Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
