Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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