Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
