go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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