He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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