got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
