evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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