I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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