I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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