People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
