I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
