his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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