we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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