oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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