Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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