your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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