i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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