I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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