I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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