Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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