if only i could text you this smell
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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