you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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