On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
