I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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