well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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