my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
