Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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