Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
