If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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