Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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