Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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