I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
