What tipped you off? The sombrero?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's the barista slut.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
