yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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