I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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