i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
