is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
