bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
