And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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