From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
