I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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