Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
