3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
