it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
