I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
