Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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