Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize