just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
