I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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