You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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