so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
