Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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