just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
