the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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