dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
