Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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