I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
