is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize