i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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