YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
