I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
