There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
