I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
