put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
