Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
