I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
