she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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