Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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