went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
