Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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