Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
