Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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