I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
